My first STD was from a foam party
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
