k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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