I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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