I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
