Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
