he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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