i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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