theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
