Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this will be a night to untag.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
