His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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