I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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