My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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