he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
