grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
