Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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