She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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