'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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