My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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