My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
