he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
