Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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