how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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