two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
