I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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