Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
