whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
