dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
