she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
