broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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