I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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