Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
