Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
