I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
