if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
only if we run a train.
done.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
