I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
