dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
