the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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