There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
