I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
