And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
