I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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