THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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