Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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