I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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