An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
