i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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