Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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