I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All the doctor said was why
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
