and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize