so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
