Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize