Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
