wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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