also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
