So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
