wakey wakey hands off snakey
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
