So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
