glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
