Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
