nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
