booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alive.
So much puke
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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