Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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