Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
