Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Boobs are out for the taking
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
