i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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