"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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