But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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