apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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