I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
