that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
