Her vagina should come with caution tape.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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