I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
