Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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