Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
