I want to walk on stilts...naked
the day after is always just damage control
I love having hate sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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