Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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